Not Enough

Not enough time. Not enough sleep. Not enough preparation. Not enough friends. Not enough faith. Not enough.

I do not have enough patience to do this right. I find that I miss out on things that could be important. If I could only find new ways to look at it, I would be able to see. But I don’t have enough vision.

I don’t have enough grace to feel free with what I have. I need, I must keep it safe, and not be relaxed. I have to keep my head above the water. I do not have enough energy for this. I don’t have enough of me to keep giving out.

I am a limited resource.

I can only do so much, work so much, give so much.

But, what if…

What if I have it backwards? What if my keeping myself safe and protected is only keeping me from receiving what is bigger than me? What if the very act of keeping what I need keeps me from the openness of a grace that allows me to have my cup, and my life overflow?

Then let me have not enough pain, not enough sorrow, not enough grief, not enough suffering, not enough close-mindedness, not enough time for self pity, not enough strength on my own, not enough safety.

Let me have not enough, so that I can know that I am not the source, only the container. Fill me up from your infinite supply. Make me infinite by flowing through me.

Let me never have enough of you.

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