It is not going to happen. No, not that, the other thing. That thing that you have been hiding from. The reality is hiding from you, or is it the other way around? Are you hiding from reality? What will happen when you come out and see that it is all different? Different from what? From now? Well, that is fine, I don’t like the way things are now. We need to change them anyway. It is cold out there in the real world. There really is nothing different than the real world we now inhabit.
Things may change when your circumstances change, but you are still there, and anywhere you go, there you are. You cannot escape yourself. Travel to another town, city, college, state, country, continent, hemisphere, and still your weaknesses follow along, like so much unwanted baggage, weighing you down and keeping you from being who you pretend to be.
Face it. It is the truth. You are only human, and fallen, and you cannot be any less fallen or human. It just won’t happen. Find new friends and you can keep up the ruse for a while, but eventually, when you are comfortable, that old nasty bit of you that you thought had died rears its head again and you are again someone from whom even you wish to escape.
The storm rushes over you, and when the dust has settled you see that you are exactly the same as you used to be. Next time… you say. Sure. Next time.
What about now? What about taking this mistake you made, this part of you, and putting it out in the open? You have friends, and if they are worth it, the harm you have done may be repaired, and they can love you in spite of your weaknesses. After all, they have their own weaknesses of which they are afraid of showing. Perhaps this time you don’t have to find new friends, but renew the friendships which already have weathered this particular storm. Go, buy some plywood and bottles of water in preparation for the next hurricane of emotions that surely is coming. Coming, but impossible to predict when it will come.
The barometer of the heart is not easy to read. It takes practice, time, experience, and eyes willing to be spurned and yet still willing to return when the next storm passes.