I surely could talk about all the school work I have to face right now, but it is not different than any other graduate student. What boring topic. Yes. we know you have homework. Just now, instead of the simple pages from middle school, I’m faced with assignments measured in word counts by the thousands. I’m facing my inability to do what is most healthy. Because really, that’s what got me into this mess in the first place.

How do I decide what is the right direction to go in? How do I decide things that have to do with my call? (How do I write this and still make it ok to post publicly?) Where do I go from here?

So, I am facing leading my church in a service different than anything that I have ever led. Also, different than any that they usually get on Sunday morning. I wrote the entire liturgy from scratch. Organized it, picked the songs, and will be preaching. This is the place that I am simultaneously the most calm and most concerned about time and effort. I want to do well, to let this be something that helps the congregations worship and feel the work of the Holy Spirit. It is what I want. But not only that, it is what I feel called to do. I am called to deliver this message, so that it is not my message, but the message that God wants his people to hear, her people to receive.

So. I will face this. And I will face leaving a church I have grown to love (without all the baggage of having to leave). And I will go forth into the world, in the strength of the spirit, to give myself to others, just as Jesus has given himself for us.


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