Surprised by Grace

What’s surprising is how sore my ribs are.

What’s surprising is how little I can do with my hands

What’s surprising is how effectively I can lead worship, without moving, ever.

I remember that when Dad was on crutches, he said he could understand how those who are permanently disabled have to go through life, but I didn’t get the small stuff.

Like, how much my shoulders hurt after a long morning of hobbling. Or, how much my “good” foot starts to hurt when I’ve been standing too long. Or, how menacing a simple step can look the first time, and a set of small ones the time after that.

I’m so bad at asking for help. Having to ask for help in the most simple things, like fixing a bowl of cereal, has served to be so humbling.

It’s a careful balancing act, both in standing, and in having to carry my purse with me everywhere, just so I can have a bottle of water and my phone with me. Because, good luck walking with a glass of water.

Oh, yes, right. What happened?

I missed a step. A single step, Saturday afternoon. And Saturday evening, after dinner, when my ankle still hurt, and possibly hurt more, and I couldn’t walk very far without slumping over, we decided that I should go get it checked. I don’t like to go to the doctor, usually I can handle things on my own, but there was a significant possibility that I had broken or torn something, and I had to work the next morning.

So we tried out our new Emergency Department at our new Medical Center. And we were impressed. In and out in an hour and a half. We saw many people, and I had x-rays, and got a splint, and crutches, and pain meds, and we were home before midnight. (Two weeks in a row, John has had to go out late the night before he led worship. Good man.)

While we were there, two things were on my mind: will I have finally broken a bone? and: how am I going to ride circuit and preach?

It appears as if I didn’t break anything. We’ll know for sure at my follow-up.

And I can actually preach and lead worship with a leg propped up. I really did it, I sat down in the front, on a chair, and propped my leg up on another, and led two entire worship services. I even led one congregation in a cappella singing for our hymns, since my pianist was out.

They gave me grace, of course. And for that I am thankful.

Now, I have to work. Because all day Monday I slept because of the meds I am on. And then I slept Monday night. It seems that these drugs, though effective at dampening the pain, also knock me out. Perhaps the pain will lessen. But I will still hobble. But don’t we all?


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