I like to walk fast. I have a hard time slowing down. I want to stay ahead and don’t stop me from going. I look for gaps in the crowd and skirt along to keep from getting stuck. I don’t make it easy for others to follow me.
Two weeks ago I sprained my ankle. It is as if God has slammed on the brakes. I literally cannot do things as quickly as I would like. When I try to walk as fast as I am accustomed, my tendons click and I hurt. But I like to be so fast that sometimes I would rather take the pain instead of the excruciating slowness.
But it’s not good for me. I don’t do it right. I can push myself too much. It is then that I must force myself to slow down, and pull the crutches back out.
Then I have to be slow. Then I have to ask for help. Then I have to make decisions about what I want to do and what I can do, physically.
It is pretty hard to go visit people in a nursing home if the thought of getting off the couch is exhausting.
God didn’t make me miss that step at the church, but I believe that God is using this injury to help me see that I cannot do everything. I mean, it’s true. I can’t do everything. But if I was healthy, and able to move the way that I could before, I would be pretty tempted to do everything that was listed, and make up a few lists of my own.
Ministry is not supposed to be busyness. People may think that is the case, but truly, ministry should be intentionality. My ministry should be intentional.
Part of learning living with intention, is finding what I can do, especially when I am slow, and devoting my energy to doing those few things well, rather than spread myself so thin that nothing is done.
God, as I am slow, make me intentional. Let the actions that I choose be those which glorify you, rather than make me look good. If there are things that need to be removed from my routine, let me know so that I may devote myself fully to you. Be by comforter, my shield, my help. Let it be you who shines through my brokenness, and let me not hide the cracks and obscure your bright love. God, slow me down, let me see, show me your people in need. I love you. Amen.