A Lament

I am not a stranger to heartbreak. I’ve been through the wringer a number of times, with moves, relationships, rejections, and losses. I always expect that next time I will cope with it better, since I’ve had experience, but there always seems to be a new facet to the next one. A new way to turn the screw just a little bit more.

And after the heartbreak, I want to wash my hands of it, I want to move on, I want to be able to return to some semblance of normalcy as soon as possible. The problem is, normal never seems to be the same thing. It’s always just a little bit different.

I’ve been hearing a couple of songs on the radio this past week with the phrase, “Break my heart with what breaks yours.” I’ve heard the phrase before, I might have even written about it before, but it seems especially poignant to me these days. The songwriter is speaking to God, asking for the same direction of compassion as the Creator and Redeemer and Sustainer. How terribly big of a thing to ask for.

There is heartbreak across this world, and there is brokenness found in every single place there are people. I have seen brokenness everywhere I have been.

I was thinking last night, and if you set the standard of living in a place for at least two months, I have lived in over 20 places, towns, and cities. Both in this country and abroad. Please note, that is not times I moved my stuff, just places I lived. I very well may have moved as many times as years that I have lived, depending on what you count as moving.

Even with all that experience, I still fall back to my own needs and my own wants and desires above others. I am more concerned about my heart, than anyone else’s.

But I desire to grow closer in love with God. See, when you grow closer in love with someone, you want what they want, and what hurts them hurts you. And I want to grow closer to God. I want to love what, and who God loves, but I also want to hurt for the same things for which God hurts. I want my heart to break more often because there are people that do not know God’s love and compassion, rather than my heart breaking because I have been snubbed.

I know that God is mourning over her Church, for the way that it is scattered and fragmented and obsessed with petty infighting. It breaks my heart when I hear of it, and when I see it. It breaks my heart that I do not have a solution to it. I am broken just as much as the rest of my fellow journeyers in faith.

The Good News is that in the midst of our brokenness, we have one who seeks to heal us. God’s heart breaks, but God doesn’t stop there, God offers healing and rest for the weary. God opens us to Grace, and all that is left to us is to receive it.

God’s grace be upon you as you go out today. AMEN.

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