I recently had a major life change, and in the past four months, I’ve gotten affirmation that what I am doing right now is healthy for me, my faith, my family, and my wellbeing. There are a few things that need a bit of work, but for now, at home at least, I am deeply affirmed in my choices.
Which is good, because the rest of the world has gone crazy.
Our country is divided, our state is burning, our church is on rocky ground, the globe is the hottest it has been in recorded history, and there does not seem to be any reprieve coming from anywhere anytime soon. We need some affirmation in our being, but our being can’t even agree on from whence we should seek our affirmation.
The part that hurts the most is when people say there is no reason to be hurting. They say that it doesn’t really matter. They make folly of the collective fears and say that there is nothing to worry about. This glib reassurance concerns me the most, and I hold a considerable amount more of privilege than most of the groups that are concerned.
I am not in fear of being deported. I am not in fear of losing the legitimacy of my marriage. I am not in fear of being pulled over while driving and then pulled out of my car to be shot. I am not in fear of having my place of business burned because I look different than the assumed normal. I am not in fear of having my place of worship spray-painted with hate signs and symbols.
I am in fear of losing agency over my own body, of being legislated out of healthy decisions by people who know nothing of medicine or science. I am in fear of my daughter growing up in a community where she has to defend herself as equal to those around her. I am in fear of a culture that does not understand consent.
And yes, you might say, “But: perfect love casts out all fear.” And yes. That is a final truth. But perfect love seems to be ages away.
There is no affirmation that the world will be better in a year or in a decade. I don’t know what we need to do in order to heal. I think a good step would be to realize that we are in need of healing.
If we were able to say that we needed healing, then that would affirm that we would be able to move toward being whole. But I don’t think we are there yet. God save us as we figure it out.